Funny Cool Jokes =D

You got Mail:
CHARLIE SAYS: "Daddy, how was I born?"
DAD SAYS: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"

The Greatest Excuse Ever:
"Ok I went golfing last Sunday and I was just about to swing when I heard a frog croak, to me it sounded just like "croak, three wood, croak" so I put my club away and brought out my 3 wood, I mean why not? I took my swing and the ball landed 3 feet from the hole on the green. I decided to see if his wasn't just a one hit wonder and so I took him around all 18 holes and played the best game of my life.
I took the frog home and decided to go to Las Vegas and try the frog out there, I COULD WIN BIG!! I thought to myself. I took the frog into the nearest casino and won 30 grand for the night, I was so incredibly happy.
I took the frog up to where I was staying and asked 'you have helped me out so much, how could I ever repay you?' the frog replied with "kiss me, kiss me" I thought what the hell, it has helped me so much and it asked so little, so I did, after that kiss the frog turned into a beautiful 16 year old girl, and that Your Honour is exactly what happened"


Two Ladies:
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: "What in the hell is that?"
Mabel: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Maude: "Where did you get it?"
Mabel: "You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."



Shop at Wal-Mart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries backto Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo(Aisle7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart "



The Pirate
A pirate walks into a bar; he has a wooden leg, a hook on his arm and an eye patch. He hobbles over to the bar and says, "Give us a mug of your finest bourbon me land legged friend". So the barmen pour him a drink. The barman becomes curious as to why he has a wooden leg, a hook and an eye patch, and curiosity gets the better of the barman, so he asks why he has a wooden leg? The Pirate says "arghh me matey, its quite a story, I was at sea and was sailing the seven seas and doing a bit of fishing on one of the planks, and a shark jumped up and bit off me leg". The barman then asked about the hand? The pirate said "garrr, when the shark bit me I punched it to get away and he bit off me hand so I got this hook put on!" the barman finally asked about his eye patch? The pirate said "arghhh, I looked to the sky and a seagull shit in my eye!". The barman said, "it shit in you eye? How'd that take your eye out?" the pirate said "first day with my new hook!"


COMMENT AND ENJOY! =D=D=D=D=D=D

YOU CAN TUNE A PIANO! BUT YOU CAN'T TUNA FISH! (tune a fish)

Good jokes Funky.

ok ok i got a good one >

''voodoo-dick''

ok a guy goes to his friends and sees a box. ''whats in that box?'' he askes. ''oh thats my voodoo-dick'' his frined replies. ''voodoo-dick?'' so his friend takes it out. ''this is a voodoo dick'' he says ''you say an object then say voodoo-dick and the VD F%@# that object. watch. VOODOO-DICK THE BOX!'' and the VD F%@# the box. ''oh i gotta show my wife!'' says the guy. so he goes home and shows his wife and explains it. ''VOODOO-DICK MY WIFES VAGINA!'' and the VD F%@# her vagina. after 2 hours she wanted it out. but his friend forgot to tell him how to stop the VD. so she speeds off to the hospital and gets stopped for speeding. ''miss, why were u going so fast?'' says the cop. ''i have a voodoo-dick in my vagina officer!!'' she says. and the cop replies by saying ''voodoo-dick my ass?!''

the end

That's a cool joke mac, but I was meaning for y'all to comment on these I found lol

But that's cool too, if you wanna post one aswell......

oh lol dont worry i liked yall's too!

The old women one was hilarious. The rest i've heard b4.
@BA: lol, good 1
@ MAC: I lol'd so hard on that one

lol at your guys jokes
nice one BA
and Mac oh nice lol i heard it before but forgot